Cashiers with a sense of humor

Yesterday, I went with a friend to go pick up some items from the Dollar General. When she pulled out a stack of dollars out of her purse to pay the cashier she said "I swear I'm not a stripper, these are my tips, I'm a waitress at Chilis" the cashier looked at her and said "Ahh....still they could have been in a stripper's g-string at some point." Bottle of shampoo $3.75, Snacks for kids $5.00, Look on my friend's face at that moment in time? PRICELESS.

The Talk

I have decided that having "the talk" with my pre teen son was a hell of a lot more embarrassing for me then it was for him. I have 3 boys. I have no idea what is going through a male's mind during puberty. Quite frankly, I just don't want to know. Granted, I definitely don't want to be a grandparent anytime soon, nor do I want my child getting any STD's. However, until the other day the extent of my answers to my children's questions about "Where do babies come from?" has always remained the same. "They're a gift from GOD." My ex overheard that explanation once, and went around smiling like a goofy goober for a week. That just made me want to punch him. So, as I'm trying to explain what his body might be going through, the whole time I'm praying that I could zap into an episode of  Star Trek and say "Beam me up Scotty!". Needless to say, I made it through the ordeal. I am scarred for life. I have to do this two more times.

When my mom passed away

I was beside myself with grief. She was sick off and on throughout my whole life, and I always miss her more around holidays. So for Mother's Day this year, in honor of what a wonderful woman she was and what strength she yielded during her life I wanted to share this poem I wrote for her funeral.

Your smile was like a rainbow
Lighting up the sky
Your laughter was contagious
That, no one could deny

You touched so many lives
In your time here with us
Compassion filled your heart
With love, honor, and trust

Your body was wounded
But your soul full of life
You took your last breath
As a daughter, mother, and wife

At first I was afraid
That you might not have known
How much you were loved
And you might feel alone

But then I remembered
You're in a better place
No more tears, no more pain
Safe in God's embrace

One day we'll meet again
You'll lead me to heaven's door
We'll smile, laugh, and dance
Just like we did before

OCD

So maybe I'm a little "obsessive" about things being done my way. And, maybe that makes me a little "compulsive" when I attempt to fix things the way I like them. But, is that really a "disorder" if my way is better than yours?

I was just remembering....

One of the funniest first impressions I think my sister ever made, when we crossed paths at my mom's house.  My ex and I were standing outside, waiting for her to arrive. All of the sudden, a small red car peels into the driveway.

My sister jumps out, grabs a bottle of something and starts spraying her car ferociously, while screaming "Die Bitches! DIE!"

I cock my head to the side, and I glance over at my ex. He is looking at her as though he was watching some insane mating ritual on the Discovery Channel.

I turn back to watch my sister, she finally slams her door, and runs her fingers through her hair. Then she puts on her sunglasses and walks over like she's about to do a red carpet interview. I ask her if she's alright. She looks over the top rim of her sunglasses, and says "an army of ants invaded my car, they were biting me all the way here." I started laughing. And, that's how you make a first impression.

I take it back

There was a moment not long ago, yesterday in fact when I thought maybe my kids were a tad bit spoiled. (Of course if someone else were to point that out? "Them's fighting words!") It may have something to do with the fact that as soon as I mentioned I needed to go to the store to grab a few essentials, my 7 yr. old son was all "Mommy I want a toy!".

Me- "Do you think you deserve a toy?" (Recalling earlier today he'd gotten in trouble at school, again. He and his teacher disagree on the value of schoolwork vs play time.)

Him- "Yes" (with a smile)

Me- "I don't think so. You got in trouble." (with my usual raised eyebrow")

Him- "But, I still have two dollars I can buy my own, remember?" (way to break out the negotiating skills kiddo, too bad you spent that last week.)

Me-"You don't have two dollars, you played video games at Walmart, remember?" (and of course the usual pout ensued)

So off to the store we went, I grabbed my things quickly. As we rounded the corner headed to the checkout, we were passing the toy aisle. I glanced over at my son who was longingly gazing at the toys (I felt a twinge of guilt, but held my ground). Then I noticed a sweet little boy with curls atop his head. He reminded me of my youngest before his Nanny took him to the barber and chopped them off. (I was upset I don't care if he looked girly, he was my little cherub, dammit)

I smiled at him, and thought it was sweet how he was tugging on his Mommy's shirt, politely asking for a toy (he looked to have been about 3 or 4) That was until........

She said "No.", and the demon in him came out before my very eyes. He kicked her in the shin, and ran up and down the aisle screaming "Toy! TOY! TOY!!!" I was horrified. For her. For mothers everywhere.

I recalled the conversation in the car where my son said "Please Mommy, can I have a toy?" about 15 times on the way to the store.

That's when I turned to my son and said...."about that toy...."

True Blood

This series is based on the Southern Vampire Series aka Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris. I have in fact read all of the books , and they are written with imagination and southern flavor that could only belong to Charlaine. Both shocking and inviting, filled with vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures these novels are paramount for urban fantasy. 


The show however, plays out a little differently than the books. Despite the difference the show like the books is addictive. Like Vampire blood for the soul. Or chocolate. Alan Ball has brought his own creative genius to HBO with True Blood. 


The action takes place in Bon Temps, where we meet Sookie Stackhouse (played by Anna Paquin) a telepathic waitress at Merlotte's. She is sassy, loyal, kind, and determined to take care of herself. Unfortunately she's suffered a lot of loss, her parents died when she was young, her Gran (played by Lois Smith) was murdered by the vampire hating psycho Rene in season one. Most people don't know what to make of her because they know she's different, but not sure how. But now some vampires know more about her, and they're going to try and use that to their advantage. 


The vampires have come out of the closet, scoring fans and haters alike. She falls for a vampire named Bill Compton (played by Stephen Moyer), the fact that she can't hear his thoughts as opposed to the constant "blah blah blah" is a welcomed retreat for her. He is a mix of southern charm and danger which both excites and concerns Sookie and me. The way he says her name just sticks with you. So, when anyone else says it. It's just not right. He has to say it. Except, in one episode where she's imitating him saying it. That was funny and pretty darn close. Basically though, they have chemistry, romance, and some major issues when it comes to honesty and she doesn't like being kept in the dark. 


I think Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten) lacks common sense sometimes, but you can't help but be charmed by his "dopey" antics.


 Sookie's best friend Tara Thornton (played by Rutina Wesley) has been through some serious hell. Alchoholic mother, maenad psycho mentor, boyfriend was murdered, and she was kidnapped by a sociopath vampire. No wonder she's so bitchy. 


Then there's Sam Merlotte (played by Sam Trammell), the owner of the bar where some of the cast either works, or frequents. He is a shapeshifter, which is pretty awesome on its own. He's been in love with Sookie for a long time, but for now accepts that its not going to happen. He's just met his real family. They are quite something, something he should have left alone. 


One of my favorite characters is Tara's cousin Lafayette (played by Nelsan Ellis) he is as sarcastic as they come. He cracks me up, His body language, his pazazz, and his "Deal with It" attitude. Yeah, he owns who he is. Finally, it seems like he has found a little more than a boy toy in his mother's nurse Jesus. He was also kidnapped by a vampire, that family has no luck. 


Then there is Eric (played by Alexander Skarsgard) vampire Sherrif of Area 5, owner of Fangtasia, and viking in his former life. He has become infatuated with Sookie. He is one fine specimen of a vampire. This man reeks of testosterone. He knows what he's got, and he uses every bit of it to his advantage especially to avenge his murdered family. 


Finally, for the moment anyway, there is Pam (played by Kristin Bauer) this vamp is stone cold awesome. Eric is her maker, and she would do anything for him. I think she packs an invisible whip because she dominates her role with ease. 


  Season 1 captivated my interest and held it through to the end. I must say I wasn't all that psyched about the Maryann plot (The actress Michelle Forbes did fine, I just wanted to kill her character myself many episodes before she finally bit it), thankfully there was the dash of Godric storyline meshed in there that saved season 2 for me. Season 3 however? Rocked. I love the whole mix/mash up of weres/vampires. In fact, Russel Edgington (Denis O'Hare) was superb, even though he went a bit "Jack the Ripper" after his soul mate died. 


There are so many characters in this show that I adore. I think that's one of the reasons I love this show. You find compassion for characters you shouldn't. Relevance for ones that are normally just cast off and forgotten. The plot is constantly evolving into something bigger and better.  And you just can't wait for a taste of the next season.