Cashiers with a sense of humor

Yesterday, I went with a friend to go pick up some items from the Dollar General. When she pulled out a stack of dollars out of her purse to pay the cashier she said "I swear I'm not a stripper, these are my tips, I'm a waitress at Chilis" the cashier looked at her and said "Ahh....still they could have been in a stripper's g-string at some point." Bottle of shampoo $3.75, Snacks for kids $5.00, Look on my friend's face at that moment in time? PRICELESS.

The Talk

I have decided that having "the talk" with my pre teen son was a hell of a lot more embarrassing for me then it was for him. I have 3 boys. I have no idea what is going through a male's mind during puberty. Quite frankly, I just don't want to know. Granted, I definitely don't want to be a grandparent anytime soon, nor do I want my child getting any STD's. However, until the other day the extent of my answers to my children's questions about "Where do babies come from?" has always remained the same. "They're a gift from GOD." My ex overheard that explanation once, and went around smiling like a goofy goober for a week. That just made me want to punch him. So, as I'm trying to explain what his body might be going through, the whole time I'm praying that I could zap into an episode of  Star Trek and say "Beam me up Scotty!". Needless to say, I made it through the ordeal. I am scarred for life. I have to do this two more times.

When my mom passed away

I was beside myself with grief. She was sick off and on throughout my whole life, and I always miss her more around holidays. So for Mother's Day this year, in honor of what a wonderful woman she was and what strength she yielded during her life I wanted to share this poem I wrote for her funeral.

Your smile was like a rainbow
Lighting up the sky
Your laughter was contagious
That, no one could deny

You touched so many lives
In your time here with us
Compassion filled your heart
With love, honor, and trust

Your body was wounded
But your soul full of life
You took your last breath
As a daughter, mother, and wife

At first I was afraid
That you might not have known
How much you were loved
And you might feel alone

But then I remembered
You're in a better place
No more tears, no more pain
Safe in God's embrace

One day we'll meet again
You'll lead me to heaven's door
We'll smile, laugh, and dance
Just like we did before

OCD

So maybe I'm a little "obsessive" about things being done my way. And, maybe that makes me a little "compulsive" when I attempt to fix things the way I like them. But, is that really a "disorder" if my way is better than yours?

I was just remembering....

One of the funniest first impressions I think my sister ever made, when we crossed paths at my mom's house.  My ex and I were standing outside, waiting for her to arrive. All of the sudden, a small red car peels into the driveway.

My sister jumps out, grabs a bottle of something and starts spraying her car ferociously, while screaming "Die Bitches! DIE!"

I cock my head to the side, and I glance over at my ex. He is looking at her as though he was watching some insane mating ritual on the Discovery Channel.

I turn back to watch my sister, she finally slams her door, and runs her fingers through her hair. Then she puts on her sunglasses and walks over like she's about to do a red carpet interview. I ask her if she's alright. She looks over the top rim of her sunglasses, and says "an army of ants invaded my car, they were biting me all the way here." I started laughing. And, that's how you make a first impression.

I take it back

There was a moment not long ago, yesterday in fact when I thought maybe my kids were a tad bit spoiled. (Of course if someone else were to point that out? "Them's fighting words!") It may have something to do with the fact that as soon as I mentioned I needed to go to the store to grab a few essentials, my 7 yr. old son was all "Mommy I want a toy!".

Me- "Do you think you deserve a toy?" (Recalling earlier today he'd gotten in trouble at school, again. He and his teacher disagree on the value of schoolwork vs play time.)

Him- "Yes" (with a smile)

Me- "I don't think so. You got in trouble." (with my usual raised eyebrow")

Him- "But, I still have two dollars I can buy my own, remember?" (way to break out the negotiating skills kiddo, too bad you spent that last week.)

Me-"You don't have two dollars, you played video games at Walmart, remember?" (and of course the usual pout ensued)

So off to the store we went, I grabbed my things quickly. As we rounded the corner headed to the checkout, we were passing the toy aisle. I glanced over at my son who was longingly gazing at the toys (I felt a twinge of guilt, but held my ground). Then I noticed a sweet little boy with curls atop his head. He reminded me of my youngest before his Nanny took him to the barber and chopped them off. (I was upset I don't care if he looked girly, he was my little cherub, dammit)

I smiled at him, and thought it was sweet how he was tugging on his Mommy's shirt, politely asking for a toy (he looked to have been about 3 or 4) That was until........

She said "No.", and the demon in him came out before my very eyes. He kicked her in the shin, and ran up and down the aisle screaming "Toy! TOY! TOY!!!" I was horrified. For her. For mothers everywhere.

I recalled the conversation in the car where my son said "Please Mommy, can I have a toy?" about 15 times on the way to the store.

That's when I turned to my son and said...."about that toy...."

True Blood

This series is based on the Southern Vampire Series aka Sookie Stackhouse Novels by Charlaine Harris. I have in fact read all of the books , and they are written with imagination and southern flavor that could only belong to Charlaine. Both shocking and inviting, filled with vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures these novels are paramount for urban fantasy. 


The show however, plays out a little differently than the books. Despite the difference the show like the books is addictive. Like Vampire blood for the soul. Or chocolate. Alan Ball has brought his own creative genius to HBO with True Blood. 


The action takes place in Bon Temps, where we meet Sookie Stackhouse (played by Anna Paquin) a telepathic waitress at Merlotte's. She is sassy, loyal, kind, and determined to take care of herself. Unfortunately she's suffered a lot of loss, her parents died when she was young, her Gran (played by Lois Smith) was murdered by the vampire hating psycho Rene in season one. Most people don't know what to make of her because they know she's different, but not sure how. But now some vampires know more about her, and they're going to try and use that to their advantage. 


The vampires have come out of the closet, scoring fans and haters alike. She falls for a vampire named Bill Compton (played by Stephen Moyer), the fact that she can't hear his thoughts as opposed to the constant "blah blah blah" is a welcomed retreat for her. He is a mix of southern charm and danger which both excites and concerns Sookie and me. The way he says her name just sticks with you. So, when anyone else says it. It's just not right. He has to say it. Except, in one episode where she's imitating him saying it. That was funny and pretty darn close. Basically though, they have chemistry, romance, and some major issues when it comes to honesty and she doesn't like being kept in the dark. 


I think Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten) lacks common sense sometimes, but you can't help but be charmed by his "dopey" antics.


 Sookie's best friend Tara Thornton (played by Rutina Wesley) has been through some serious hell. Alchoholic mother, maenad psycho mentor, boyfriend was murdered, and she was kidnapped by a sociopath vampire. No wonder she's so bitchy. 


Then there's Sam Merlotte (played by Sam Trammell), the owner of the bar where some of the cast either works, or frequents. He is a shapeshifter, which is pretty awesome on its own. He's been in love with Sookie for a long time, but for now accepts that its not going to happen. He's just met his real family. They are quite something, something he should have left alone. 


One of my favorite characters is Tara's cousin Lafayette (played by Nelsan Ellis) he is as sarcastic as they come. He cracks me up, His body language, his pazazz, and his "Deal with It" attitude. Yeah, he owns who he is. Finally, it seems like he has found a little more than a boy toy in his mother's nurse Jesus. He was also kidnapped by a vampire, that family has no luck. 


Then there is Eric (played by Alexander Skarsgard) vampire Sherrif of Area 5, owner of Fangtasia, and viking in his former life. He has become infatuated with Sookie. He is one fine specimen of a vampire. This man reeks of testosterone. He knows what he's got, and he uses every bit of it to his advantage especially to avenge his murdered family. 


Finally, for the moment anyway, there is Pam (played by Kristin Bauer) this vamp is stone cold awesome. Eric is her maker, and she would do anything for him. I think she packs an invisible whip because she dominates her role with ease. 


  Season 1 captivated my interest and held it through to the end. I must say I wasn't all that psyched about the Maryann plot (The actress Michelle Forbes did fine, I just wanted to kill her character myself many episodes before she finally bit it), thankfully there was the dash of Godric storyline meshed in there that saved season 2 for me. Season 3 however? Rocked. I love the whole mix/mash up of weres/vampires. In fact, Russel Edgington (Denis O'Hare) was superb, even though he went a bit "Jack the Ripper" after his soul mate died. 


There are so many characters in this show that I adore. I think that's one of the reasons I love this show. You find compassion for characters you shouldn't. Relevance for ones that are normally just cast off and forgotten. The plot is constantly evolving into something bigger and better.  And you just can't wait for a taste of the next season.

The Vampire Diaries

I haven't read the books. I am however an avid fan of the show. Ian Somerhalder brings the best degree of wicked yet charismatic, sexy, dominating with a pinch of self loathing version of yum to his character Damon Salvatore. I love him. I hate the things he does, except when his humanity is at play. Paul Wesley is just as convincing with his brooding, polite, romantic, charming character Stefan Salvatore. He would do anything for Elena, the problem is it seems his brother will now as well. Nina Dobrev brings double the pleasure as she not only plays Elena Gilbert the sweet, loyal, vulnerable yet defiant, girl next door but also Katherine Pierce the selfish, callous, vampire you love to hate. (The same vampire that turned both Damon and Stefan long ago) This girl has some great acting chops! Candice Accola plays Caroline Forbes. At first look, she seemed self absorbed, yet unsure of herself, but since then she was turned into a vampire thanks to Katherine. Oddly enough, I think her being a vampire has given her more of a sense of purpose, and more faith in herself. Then there is Kat Graham who plays Bonnie Bennett the resident witch. At first she dabbled in some parlor tricks, but now she's holding some immense power but will they hold immense repercussions?? This show centers around Elena and the Salvatore Brothers and her family and friends. Although originally the brothers showed up in Mystic Falls once again for very separate reasons (Stefan to meet Elena, and Damon to free Katherine from her tomb), they have now regained some sense of brotherhood and are at the moment shooting for the same cause. Defying the odds and protecting Elena from Klause an original vampire with his own agenda. This show if full of action, mystery, excitement, romance, and leaves you begging for more. Definite much watch!

Twilight Series

Okay I have read all the books, and was completely engrossed in the pages. I have seen all the films as of yet, and I believe that each one got better. I am totally curious about how they are going to play out certain scenes in the movie that are in Breaking Dawn (the only book that had some "weird" moments for me, but some killer action) I don't want to go into specifics for those who haven't read or seen the movies yet. But really?? How will they pull it off? I think Stephanie Meyer put her own unique spin on vampires and werewolves and it paid off. I am as equally impressed with the cast that was chosen for the movies. Although I might not picture vampires sparkling in the sunlight myself, I am totally open to a new view on things as seen from the author's mind and Bella's eyes in these novels. Well done, Stephanie. Well done.

I know there's a big debate with Team Jacob or Team Edward. But, from the beginning I knew it was always Edward (played by Robert Pattinson) and Bella (played by Kristen Stewart). I just wish Bella had a sister for Jacob (played by Taylor Lautner), because even though I'm Team Edward part of me still rooted for the forlorn Jacob. Really you just want to be Bella. A handsome, vampire willing to die to protect you. Maybe not so much where you felt like dying because he left you (trying to keep you safe somehow) but then you find out why Jacob is so alluring during Edward's absense. Two for the price of one. I still laugh at the "Doesn't he own a shirt?" comment from Edward regarding Jacob. (He was looking rather ripped I must say)

I just fell in love with the Cullens altogether. Alice (played by Ashley Greene) is great. Her bubbly personality and quirky ways make me wish she was my bff. I was glad to see that Jasper (played by Jackson Rathbone) got a little more screen time in Eclipse. He seemed kinda constipated in the first film (but I suppose if I was trying to control my blood thirst I wouldn't look too hot either). However, I found him much more..dare I say? human in the next couple of films. Sometimes, a little back story and some action go a long way. Carlisle (played by Peter Facinelli) and Esme (played by Elizabeth Reaser) are perfect as the "adoptive parents" of these vampires who have all quit drinking human blood. I'm still kind of on the fence about Rosalie (played by Nikki Reed). But, I think Emmett (played by Kellan Lutz) has proven himself. Also, Charlie Swan (played by Billy Burke), Bella's father is a delightful mix of small town police chief trying to be a father to his now teenage daughter. He may need to work on a few things. But he does make the effort, plus he keeps Edward on his toes. The wolf pack and the Cullens are actually rather dynamic working together, when they face off with Victoria, Riley and her army of newborn vamps.

They each bring their own special something, and anything that makes me feel connected to a character is definitely worth the read or the watch.

Yea, I'll get right on that

So today, I was having a nifty conversation with a friend about our children n such, when she asked me if I wanted a pen pal. I was thinking, (granted we talk on the phone, we text, our kids play together) but I really don't feel the need to write each other as well. And, is this one of those "aha" moments I seem to miss sometimes??  I need a Scooby snack while I mull that over. So, I said "umm not really". Apparently, her bf who is currently in jail because he got caught sticking his hand in the cookie jar as I like to put it, has new found friends in there that are lonely and asked  him if he could see if his woman (She writes him daily, despite my advice that she should find someone more worthy..women what do they know anyhow?? As much as men do, we're all flawed for a reason. Humor. Own it.) would hook them up with a pen pal. At this point, I'm mildly flattered that she thinks my penmanship is inspiring and a tad insulted that when she thought of her single friends who might be interested she picked me. So being the humanitarian I am, I just assumed they were all in there for some hideous crime and said "Forget about it!" But, then I further thought about the situation and I felt my alter ego "Ms Inflatable pen pal Extraordinare" call forth, mind you she's a southern belle because well..... it just works that way. And, my intrigue was piqued. Oh, the hilarity that could ensue....So, I ask you......To Do...Or Not to Do? That is the survey question. What is your final answer?

It never fails

Every time I'm in the car with the boys, they manage to find something to argue over. Whether someone looked at someone the wrong way, someone is singing too loud, someone took someone's superman toy, really whatever the reason. It is Never Ever quiet in a vehicle with my rugrats. So, I do what any other mom would do who's praying for silence, so that the heart-pounding migraine will subdue. I randomly start talking or singing in cartoon character voices, or popping off with an unpolished british, sometimes australian accent. I've tried my hand at a latino accent, but apparently I haven't eaten enough spicy foods to pull that one off. I do occasionally speak spanish every now and then. I really don't know why I do this, but I do. Which I think is why my then 8 yr. old told my bf at that time I was Mexican. And, every time I think of the conversation where I asked him "Tristan honey, why do you think I'm Mexican?" he replied "Because you are?" I can't help but laugh. Anyways, back to the subject at hand. If my boys are feuding like enemies planning their next attack (or maybe just like family) a little bit of "mommy comedy" goes a long way. They laugh and giggle and totally forget what they were fighting about until 5 minutes later when someone knocked someone else in the head with a toy "on accident". The power of  misdirection. It never fails.

Candy with a purpose.

I adore gummi bears. I consider them stress relief. When I've had one of those conversations where later I think "I should've, would've, could've said this" I can act out a skit with my gummi bears and the conversation can go whatever way I choose. Your boss is being a jerk? Punch him in the face gummi bear style. Also, for those not so lovable people in your life such as The Ex, the rude chick at the restaurant, your neighbor who's always letting his dog crap on your lawn, or that incessant family member who never shuts up..there is my own special version of gummi bear voodoo. It's totally legal. Bite off a leg, a head, an arm, whatever tickles your fancy really. Or for those extra creative folks, melt your pseudo gummi in a fiery pit of whatever you have handy. So, if you're like me and non-violent for the most part, stock up on gummi's, and keep your sanity intact. Btw, when your child is screaming "Mom, I can't find my army dude!" gummy bears are a suitable replacement, through in a bag or two and a toothpick arsenal, and you have a platoon of bad-ass bears. Sometimes, you just have to make due.

No Ordinary Family--No Ordinary Future

Last night there was a special airing of No Ordinary Family. I absolutely loved this episode. It was full of action, surprise, mystery, and empathy. Stephanie Powell discovered she had expanded abilities since being injected with the trilsettum serum. Time travel come hither. Unfortunately, she hasn't quite mastered putting on the brakes when returning, so she runs smack dab into a car. Katie hears her baby's heartbeat for the first time, then her future self is endangered by a cop with an attitude because she refuses to give up the location of her friends. Mr. Invincible as I like to call him a.k.a Jim Powell and bestie George St. Cloud (king of the lair) decide to do a little investigating of their own when they see a buddy murdered right in front of them. But, that inadvertently puts George's life in danger and the Powell's super secret on display in Times Square. Unless of course, Quick Chick a.k.a. Stephanie can stop the madness before it ends. Daphne Powell having told her boyfriend Chris of her family's super powers has to decide whether or not to erase that memory from his mind at her parents' urging. And, that special secret of her own that's been keeping her from having to do the dishes for 2 weeks is revealed.  Jim and Daphne save the day by thwarting the incorrigible detectives plans of eliminating George while he's delivering a eulogy. If the name wasn't already taken I'd dub J.J. Powell Mega Mind, because well he's Einstein reincarnate at least without many of the oddball quirks. So, I'll call him Brilliant Boy for now. Thank goodness, he helped Stephanie discover exactly what speed she'd need to travel to get the upper hand on what was coming. Not to mention the touching moment he shared with Daphne when she realized she had erased every memory Chris ever had of her, not what she intended. The sneak peek for next week's season finale looks promising. We finally see a glimpse of Dr. King's powers. And, I hear that big changes are in store for George. I believe this show has serious potential, so I hope that it sticks around for a second season. Matter of fact, I demand it does. It truly has such a talented cast. Julie Benz, Michael Chiklis, Romany Malco, Kay Panabaker, Autumn Reeser, Stephen Collins, and Jimmy Bennet all bring their characters that extra something special that's required to grab your attention. So don't miss out!! Oh, and ABC? Renew the show already, and expand on something great.

Say what?

There was a time when I wondered what it must have been like to communicate before Alexander Graham Bell blessed the world with his invention, the telephone. Of course that was until I moved into these apartments. I now have complete compassion for Fred Flinstone. I've had a glimpse into the life of a caveman's struggles for silence. Bam! Bam! Stomp! Stomp! Beep Beep! (okay beep beep isn't cave man mayhem but still) My upstairs neighbors communicate via window and fire alarm. That's right. They open the hallway window and scream across to neighbors and friends, (which wouldn't be too bad if it weren't all day long) and rather then them walking downstairs to my other neighbors to say "Hey, what's up?"  They set off the fire alarm in the hallway which is apparently code for "I'm too lazy to walk down and knock". So, when I open my door to make sure someone hasn't been playing with matches they just smile and say "Oh, I was just trying to get someone's attention". While I'm thinking I wish I had Bam Bam's club so I could break out a little cave woman on their ignorance. The crazy thing is they have cell phones. When do they use them? While they are outside in the parking lot blaring the car stereo, that's when it's gratifying enough for them to throw caution to the wind and dial a number.

Person of Interest

In a moment of weakness, I lost my nerve
I pulled back in silence, completely perturbed
This was my moment, my turn to break free
But my fear took control, hindering me
Inside I was screaming, outside I was calm
Standing right here, where I didn't belong
I heard my mom's voice inside of my head
"Strength is inside you, pursue it instead"
I took a deep breath, and opened my eyes
The words flowed like oceans, erupting the tide
Conviction, Compassion embodied my tone
I was making a difference, this hopeful unknown

The Things Kids Say

So here I am, typing away at the computer when my 4 year old comes in and says "something something my butt", and I'm like "Huh, what's on your butt?" (I thought maybe he spilled something) He then looks at me with one of those "Duh" looks and says "My butt crack". I start laughing because A) I had no idea he even knew what a butt crack was and B) He's still looking at me wondering why I wouldn't know that. Needless to say, I still have no idea what he really said because he grabbed his dinosaur and went exploring.

Twitter

   When I first heard of Twitter I thought it sounded quite silly. The idea of people posting a sentence or so of what they were doing at that particular moment seemed uninteresting. Then one day I was completely bored (as it usually happens when u decide to hit the internet for a reprieve) so I decided to check it out and see if I could find the appeal. My very first follower was @Renee_Hey, and without her "tutoring" I don't think I would have fully grasped the entertainment value linked with Twitter. I immediately connected with her and some of her friends. We shared a kindred sense of  humor and unabashed sarcasm which in itself makes me smile. Finally, people who get me or at the very least that side of me. Btw, her partner in crime or the PB to her J as I like to call him is @Genosworld. He's quite the guy, a huge supporter of Carroll Center for The Blind. And, he has has a dedicated celebrity following on Twitter as well as his website www.genogenogeno.com. Which brings me to my next tidbit, where else can a girl like me have an opportunity to connect with celebrities? If you're not living in Hollywood or making headlines scandalous or otherwise,  it's not happening. I have tweeted to a lot of famous folks, and actually had a few tweet back which is AWESOME!! Okay maybe I'm bragging a bit, but really wouldn't you? My first celeb follower was @RomanyMalco. Yep that's right Conrad from Weeds, Jay from 40 yr old Virgin, or George St. Cloud from No Ordinary Family his current t.v. role on ABC. Now, don't tell him this but when he first followed me, I followed him back and had no earthly idea who he was. I just thought he was some funny random dude worth tweeting. In hindsight, I do know him from all the roles I previously mentioned, but apparently I was having one of many "blonde moments" that tend to rear their ugly head every now and then. They do however make for good laughs. Nevertheless, there are a vast array of incredibly, amazing people on twitter. A lot of whom I follow, more that I have yet to meet. So this is an #FF to all the people that I follow because you've brought a little more enjoyment to my life with your 140 characters or less, and that in itself is quite an accomplishment. So even though I didn't mention you all by name, I'm sure at some point I will now that I have a blog going on. And, if you've always wondered why do people use twitter to post about the sandwich they just ate? There's much more worth exploring, besides that might be the best damn sandwich in the world. Oh yea, feel free to follow @poeticnstuff on there, so you can get to know me better. Maybe laugh at me, with me, whatever makes you happy.

My Will Is Done

My heart beats fast as lightning
My soul seeps with fear
My breath is slow and faded
As the moment draws near
The tears have stained my face
Like embers from the fire
It burns but leaves no trace
What was my last desire
To feel once more the life in me
To witness the morning dew 
Upon the flowers, blades of grass
And share all of this with you
I watched the memories pass by
Projected in my mind, just still
No rush they seemed forever
Ideally meant to stay, my will